Hello! Happy Friday Eve 🙂 ! I hope life is treating you well today! I had a 4 mile tempo run scheduled for today but I woke up to this.
I’m not sure if you can really tell from the picture but it was POURING out! I rolled back over intending on snoozing the rainy morning away but after five seconds knew I would regret it. I got in my running clothes and headed to the Y to run on the treadmill. Even though I HATE running on the treadmill it was totally worth it! I had a really good run and felt great afterwards. That’s usually how it goes, I never regret a run I take, even a bad one, but I usually regret missing out on a run. When I was leaving the Y and group of women had just come back from running outside! They were soaked! Now that’s hardcore!
I’ve also been indulging in a little bit of this lately.
I use to drink about half a pot of coffee a day. About a year ago I gave it up because I heard there were a lot of health benefits to not drinking it. I also use to over load my coffee with fake sugar. I’ve had a few cups here and there in the last year whenever the mood struck me but nothing regular. The last two mornings it just sounded good to me! I put real sugar in and and thoroughly enjoyed it. I’m not sure if I’ll go back to my daily habit. I guess I didn’t notice any difference between drinking it every day and not. I don’t really want to become dependent on it again though. I pretty much had to have it in the morning or life was not good!
I mentioned yesterday that the scale was not pretty after my mission trip. I’ve been eating healthy for the past five days so I hope my body balances itself out soon. I certainly feel better getting back to my regular eating pattern. I’ve really be struggling with the idea of a feel great weight lately. You may remember that after the triathlon I reflected on how it felt being a bigger athlete and my desire to lose some weight and get down at least in the healthy weight range. Lately I’ve been feeling this desire to be “smaller” more acutely. I’m just remembering what it was like when I was at my “goal weight.” I loved all the clothes I wore. I loved that I could pretty much shop off the racks. I looked so good. I felt really confident with my body. I even wore a bikini one summer! I’m still trying to decide if I was truly healthy. I was really fit. I did a half marathon back then but I don’t think I had healthy relationship with food. I ate a lot of low-cal, low-far processed foods. I obsessed about calories in and out. I was also teaching so I was on my feet most of the day versus being mainly at a desk job. I feel like I have a better relationship with food these days. I know what it means to eat healthy and I actually prefer how I feel when I eat that way. I also recognize the importance of indulging once in awhile and to know when an indulgence is worth it. I thought I would really enjoy taking a break from healthy eating while on the mission trip and eat some of those things I don’t normally consume like Lucky Charms. But really Lucky Charms and white bread aren’t worth it to me. A good glass of wine or a fancy dessert now that is an indulgence that is worth it to me.
On the other hand I know that even though I am not at healthy weight (according to BMI) I am really fit. Sometimes I just want to be okay with being fit and not skinny but it’s just too hard. I don’t feel as confident in my own skin as I did when I was smaller. I also sometimes wonder if the participants in my fitness classes question my ability because I’m not skinny. I’ve tried keeping track of calories with SparkPeople but have not been consistent. I’ve even toyed with the idea of going back to Weight Watchers but that really wasn’t working for me either. I don’t really want to go back to being an obsessive “dieter.” I just want to be healthy but also thin. Does that make sense? Sorry for rambling, these are just some thoughts that I’ve been having lately. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I’ll keep you posted on my continuing contemplation on these matters!
Tomorrow we’re headed off on an ADVENTURE! Stay tuned for more fun!